The Love Song of Ava Crowder
by BlondeChick2009
Summary: When Ava was six, she met the love of her life without knowing it. Now, she wonders how she could have felt otherwise. Love songs come in many forms because love is never the same twice. (Ava/Bowman) (Ava/Boyd).


**A/N: This will be multiple chapters. I have a general idea of what this will be, but ultimately it's a surprise to both you and me. Inspired by my lovely ship, Avoyd, and the poem, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot. I thoroughly believe that Boyd would have liked this poem, and I'd love to hear Walton Goggins recite it.**

 **Chapter 1: Kentucky Bite**

* * *

I was six years old when I first met Boyd Crowder.

It was one of those typical Kentucky winters—rare and bitter in its severity. Schools were closed, the mines were closed; all of Harlan locked up tight as the flakes came down.

Momma didn't take kindly to the cold. She kept me and Daddy swathed in as many layers as she could scavenge from our closets, grumbling all the while about goosebumps and runny noses.

I spent the morning with my nose pressed to the window, eyes wide and brimming with tears against the blast of whiteness. It was the first time our yard had ever looked clean.

"Ava, get your nose off the glass! It'll stick!"

I jerked my head back, knowing full well my nose wasn't gonna stick to the glass. I heard Daddy snicker in the kitchen. I reached out and rubbed the spot my breath had made, tentatively tracing my name in the disappearing mist. A…V…A…

"Momma, can I go out and play, please?" I slid down from the widow seat where I had been perched and ran into the kitchen. Momma looked up from the pot on the stove.

"You'll miss out on the hot cocoa," she answered as she stirred.

"But, Momma," I reasoned, glancing out the back door. "You're 'sposed to have cocoa _after_ you're done being out in the cold."

"Yeah, Mom," Daddy encouraged over yesterday's newspaper. Today's was buried somewhere at the end of our lane, if it was there at all.

I hid a grin behind my over-large sweater sleeves. Momma eyeballed Daddy real hard.

"She can go out if you take her." That clammed up Daddy real good. My heart sank. Daddy's breathing wasn't so good because he worked in the mines, and the really cold air had been making him cough pretty fierce.

I didn't want him feeling bad, 'cause I knew he'd take me if he could, so I piped up, "Oh, Momma, I can go by myself. What if I just played in the backyard?"

The idea wasn't attractive. The yard was inhospitable on the best weather days. Momma must've been thinking the same, because she stopped stirring and waved her spoon at me.

"And get yourself killed trippin' on all that buried junk your father has out there? No, sirree bob."

I pouted. I hated Surry Bob—Momma always talked about him when she wouldn't let me have fun.

"I reckon I could take her out for a little while," Daddy offered bravely. Momma looked like she'd sooner tramp out into the snow with me herself than let Daddy go.

"What if we called over to Arlo's and see if Raylan could go with her?" He quickly suggested instead.

Momma seemed to like that idea the best so far, but I didn't.

"Raylan doesn't like me, Daddy. I don't want to go with him. 'Sides," I added, losing hope that I'd get to avoid Raylan Givens, "he's only two years older than me!"

Before Daddy could be offended that Raylan didn't like me, Momma said, "And that's two whole years more mature than you. It's go with Raylan or not at all. He lives close enough to walk here, and he can keep an eye on you in the far field."

I grumbled, but considered the boring alternative. It wasn't that I had a personal problem with Raylan. In fact, I thought he was cute and pretty nice. He was just so…dull.

But snow was snow and we didn't often get it like it was now, so I sucked it up and let Momma call the Givens'.

While they yammered on about the depressing weather, I went upstairs and gathered up my snow clothes and boots. I highly doubted that Raylan wasn't home—he didn't seem to have many close friends at school. Plus everyone lived so spread out in Harlan, it was hard to see each other unless you were willing to work for it or had parents willing to drive you around.

When I came back down and dropped all my stuff on the ground, Momma finally got to the heart of the problem on the phone.

"Listen, Helen, the reason I'm calling is that Ava wants to go out in this mess, and I'd rather her not go alone. We were wonderin' if Raylan was home, and if he'd accompany her?"

I watched Momma's face closely, but she was good at keeping her expressions still. After a bit, she nodded. "Okay, I'll let her know, thanks, Helen." She hung up.

"Helen said Raylan can come over."

I had to stop from bouncing around the kitchen. I didn't want Momma and Daddy thinking that I liked Raylan. I just wanted that snow.

"He'll be here in twenty minutes or so," Momma told us. "I'll keep some cocoa hot for you two when you come back."

It was the longest twenty minutes of my life. I sat at the window, bundled up to the gills, watching the hill Raylan would be coming over. "Has it been twenty minutes, yet?" I asked for the thousandth time.

"Lord, child, you act like you ain't seen no snow before," Momma gruffed at me.

"I ain't ever played in snow like this." I slid off the bench and waddled over to where Daddy was sipping his cocoa. "Have you ever seen snow like this, Daddy?"

"A fair few times." He picked me up onto his lap. "Aren't you a marshmallow? I was a little older than you when I first saw a snow like this one. We had to do all the farm work like usual, and it was a nasty time in a blizzard."

I wrinkled my nose, glad we didn't have a farm I had to help on. "Do you like the snow?"

"Most times," he answered. "It doesn't happen often enough to hate it."

Momma made a noise like she disagreed. "Raylan's coming down the slope, Ava."

I squirmed off of Daddy's lap and bolted for the door.

"Now hold up, young lady."

I came to a halt at the door and waited for Momma to bustle her way over, stamping around like a jittery horse.

"Why can't I just meet him at the gate?" I whined.

"Ava, let the poor boy in to warm up for a second," she chastised.

I muttered something about us just going right back out in the cold, and got a swat on the backside for my sass. Raylan was just now plodding up the path to the front door, all tall and gangly. He looked like a baby deer tryin' to find its feet.

"Hello, Raylan," my Momma greeted brightly like she hadn't just been chewin' me out. "How have you been, dear?"

Raylan stumbled into the kitchen after kicking his boots off on the steps outside. He blinked around, his eyes readjusting to the lights. He saw me and looked away quickly.

"I'm doing well, Mrs. Randolph, how are you?" He glanced over at Daddy. "Mr. Randolph," he nodded like a grown up. I rolled my eyes.

"We're just fine, Raylan. How is your father? Your Aunt Helen?"

I'd never understand grown-ups. Momma had just been talkin' on the phone with Raylan's aunt, and she was wasting up valuable snow time asking pointless questions. Raylan didn't seem to share my impatience, 'cause he took his time answering.

"They're well," he decided on after some thought. I saw Momma's gaze slip toward Daddy, but wasn't sure why. I didn't dwell on it.

"Can we go now?" I demanded.

"I suppose so, antsy pants. Please tell Raylan thank you for coming to take you out to play."

I muttered quick thanks and was rewarded with a mumbled, "welcome."

"Please be home before the sun goes down," Momma called after us. I was already slipping and sliding through the banks of snow, thrilled at the coldness. "Do NOT go past our property, Ava Randolph."

...

I had thought maybe the excitement of the snow would make Raylan a little less stony-faced, but the boy stayed quiet as we trekked out to the field where I planned on making a fort and snowmen. All he did was follow quietly behind. I looked back every couple minutes to see if he hadn't been buried, he was moving so slow. After a while, the silence rang in my ears too loud. It was awfully quiet in the snow.

"What do you want to play first, Raylan?"

"I don' know," he mumbled back. The crunching of our feet almost drowned him out.

I spun around, trying not to get sassy. "Aw, come on. It's snowing! Why aren't you excited?"

"Don't much like the cold," was his reply.

"Then why'd you come out?" I was trudging along again, my eyes focused on the old tree in the middle of the field. He must've shrugged, because I didn't hear an answer.

We finally made it to the tree, and I had to lean against it to catch my breath. My nose was running because I had pulled down my scarf to breathe better, and my eyes were dazzled by the harsh light. I put up my hands and peered out beneath the wooly pink mittens they were stowed away in. If I could have whistled, I would have.

Somehow, my house looked miles away. In reality it was only four or five acres. Only one trail snaked its way back up to where the gate was, and I realized Raylan must have followed my path exactly. I could see a little bit of a shadow where he had come down the hill to get me. Off to the left, the woods stood rigid in the freezing air, and the flakes that were still coming down were trying hard to hide the trees. It had slowed down quite a lot since I woke up, though.

Raylan was leaning on the other side of the tree, kicking at the snow, exposing the roots that were above ground. It gave me an idea, and I hoped Raylan would like it.

"What if we built up a fort around the tree? Like an igloo?" I ran around to his side and started pushing the snow into a pile. Raylan stopped kicking his feet and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

"I don't think there's enough snow for all that."

I scoffed and waved my arms around. "Yes there is!"

"Is not. It's not deep enough."

I crossed my arms like Momma does when she's winning an argument. I didn't think for a second Raylan knew what he was talking about. I knew he was just being a grump.

"We're in a whole field of snow," I said slowly like he was a dummy, "We could build ten forts."

Raylan shrugged and went back to kicking. I huffed and went back to pushing snow, thinking he could help me if he pleased, or he could keep being a stick in the mud. After a while I heard him sigh, and he dropped down beside me to help dig.

We were at it for a long time, and I thought it was coming along nicely, when we heard a whole bunch of whoopin' and hollerin'. Raylan went real still next to me, and I saw him looking out toward the woods. I put my hand up to block the sun, which had been traitorously poking its face out, and could make out three figures making their way toward us.

"Crowders," Raylan murmured. He stood up and leaned against the tree. I snorted. He was trying to look all cool so the Crowders wouldn't know he'd been playing in the snow with a girl.

I knew about the Crowders more than I actually knew them personally. Bowman Crowder was in my grade and was a wild, unruly boy. Momma was always muttering about how he took after his Daddy whenever the subject of the Crowders came up in the house. Johnny was Bowman's cousin, and the same age. He was less ornery than Bowman, from what I had heard. Except now. The two of them were pushing each other and barking with laughter as they drew closer.

That left Boyd.

I hadn't ever met him before. He was in Raylan's grade, and I only ever caught glimpses of him with Bowman at the end of the day when we were in line for the buses. Now I could see him shuffling along behind his younger brother and cousin, hands in his pockets and head down.

As they drew nearer, I decided to ignore the bunch of 'em. They were probably more interested in messing around with Raylan, since all their daddies knew each other. My own Daddy never really mixed with them.

"Raylan Givens!" Bowman untangled himself from the scuffle he had been in with Johnny, and got ahead of the pack. I watched Raylan from under my eyelashes. He put up a hand in simple greeting.

"Hey, Bowman. Johnny. Boyd."

My gaze shifted to the other three. Bowman was the tallest of them, but Johnny wasn't far off. Raylan easily had them both beat. Boyd seemed to be just a little thing. I could tell that he was wearing some of Bowman's or Johnny's hand-me-downs, which I'm sure he felt embarrassed by. His coat sleeves were too long, and his hat almost came down over his eyes. But even almost hid, his eyes were his most alarming feature. Wide as an owl's my Momma would have said, and green as a summer field. He looked like he was stuck being surprised at something. He barely blinked, even in the aching white of the snow. The sun was making it worse, and again I found myself shielding my eyes while I looked at him. He caught me staring, and rather than look away, watched me right back. I looked at Bowman instead.

Bowman was cute. I didn't really care about boys. They either played with you or were mean to you as far as I was concerned. But Bowman was cute. His dark hair was wavy, and I could see it curling out from under his red knit cap. His eyes were clear gray, almost as colorless as that bleak day. His smile was the best though. He had nice teeth, and dimples. I decided I really liked dimples. When Bowman caught me looking, he got a real big smile on his lips and his dimples got deeper.

"Hello, Ava," he said sweetly. "I didn't know you knew ol' Raylan here."

The way he said it was odd, and I saw Raylan fidget a little.

"Her momma wanted me to watch her out here."

I rolled my eyes. "I can watch myself just fine."

"I'm sure you can, Ava," Bowman nodded. "You building a fort?" He came over and stooped next to me. "It's really good."

My tummy did a little flip. I looked at the wall I had been shaping with a new pride. "Thanks," I said. "Raylan _was_ helping me." I gave Raylan a sour look, and Bowman crowed with laughter.

"Shoot, Raylan, she done told you." He stood up and went to stand by Raylan. Johnny was chuckling along as he followed his cousin. I noticed he wouldn't really look at me too much. Boyd stayed where he was, a little to my right. A hint of a smile appeared, but he seemed to think better of it. He was still staring at me.

Raylan drew himself up. "So you all wanna have a snowball fight or something?"

I scoffed and went back to my digging. Let them all rough house, I had things to do.

Bowman and Johnny loved the idea, and the three went off to draw up rules. They left Boyd standing with me.

"Don't you wanna fight with them?" I asked. His eyes flicked up to where the boys had stopped, and his mouth tightened. I hadn't meant it as a dismissal, but he steeled himself and went after them, not saying a word.

The battle was well under way by the time I got sick of carting snow around. I sat back against my wall and watched.

The four of them had split into separate corners. Every man for himself, it looked like. They had built up little mounds to protect themselves from fire, and it looked like the bigger three were spending most of their time throwing snowballs at poor Boyd's hiding spot. Every so often, one of them would lob a ball elsewhere, but Boyd was constantly pinned down and couldn't much defend himself. It made me kind of mad, watching. They were just pickin' on him 'cause he was so quiet. At least, I thought that was why. It was odd to me, that Boyd wasn't the leader of the pack. Bowman's loudness seemed to put him at the top. Watching them, I got an idea.

I thought about it carefully before acting. Raylan was closest to me, and I could easily slip by him without him seeing what I was doing. I didn't want him drawing too much attention to me by questioning my motives. Boyd was farthest away, diagonal from Raylan. Every so often I'd see his head poke out when there was a lull in snowballs, and he'd attempt to hit his brother with a badly aimed throw. I got to wondering if his heart was really in the game. Bowman was just beyond Raylan, across from Boyd. His spot was my goal.

I slipped quietly past Raylan, acting casual as possible, like I was just taking a walk. I wiggled my arms, pretending to shake them out after all the digging I'd done. This was mostly for Johnny's benefit, 'cause I knew he'd see me if he paid too much attention, and he might call out. Luckily, he was too busy pelting snow at his cousin. If Boyd saw me at all, I doubted he'd say anything, because he hadn't said anything the whole time I'd known him. And by the time Bowman saw me, it'd be too late to change my mind.

A braver girl than me would have dared the flying snow and run to Boyd's side of the fight to help. Instead—and I now realize I may have had sort of selfish reasons for doing so—I hunkered down next to Bowman. Honestly, I just wanted to sit next to him.

He seemed pretty pleased once he stopped looking surprised. "Nice to have a partner," he grinned at me. "You watch those other two knuckle-heads in case they try to get sneaky." He had a little stockpile of snowballs, and kept throwing at Boyd.

To keep up my ruse, I'd occasionally chuck a ball at Raylan or Johnny. I heard Raylan grumble every so often, and Johnny yelled out, "Not fair!" a couple times. I'd even throw over at Boyd, but I made sure to miss.

Bowman was getting cocky. "There's four of us, Boyd, just surrender!"

Johnny whooped, and Raylan even laughed. Time to act.

I drew in a breath, cupped my hands around my mouth, and yelled, "Raylan said Johnny Crowder smells like horse dung!"

That set Johnny to throwing all his snow at Raylan. Raylan was miffed. He kept yelling about me being a liar. Bowman was cracking up, not at all offended for his cousin. I scooped up all the snow I could hold, and smushed it into his face.

Momma and Daddy rarely agreed on things when it came to me, but they both agreed that I often acted before I thought. But the problem was, I'd thought hard about this plan. I didn't like them all picking on one person, even if that person kind of creeped me out with all his silent staring. I had thought it'd end in laughter, and being called a traitor, and more epic snowball fighting. But it didn't.

Bowman got real mad at me. Once he cleared his eyes, he saw Johnny and Raylan busting up over his ordeal, and his face got all red. I glanced over to Boyd's side, and saw him peering over his battered wall, eyes wider than ever. Then something was yanking me sideways into the snow.

Bowman had grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled it.

"OW! Bowman quit it," I screeched. It hurt plenty enough, but I was more angry that he was doing it. I heard Raylan call out for him to quit it, I was only messin'. But Bowman wouldn't stop pulling. I was about to do something stupid, like punch him in the nose, when a snowball smashed right into the side of his head.

Bowman let go and whipped his head in the direction of his brother. Another snowball struck him in the face. I scrambled away from him and ran over to Raylan's wall. Bowman was cursing up a storm at Boyd, whom I couldn't see anymore. I looked at Raylan, and he squinted at me.

"I reckon you're ready to go home, huh?"

I don't know how he knew it, but I nodded quick. I'd had enough of the Crowders and the snow for one day.

Johnny had loped over to join us, still sorta laughing at what had happened. I glared at him, angry he didn't seem to care about what Bowman had done, or how he was hunting down his brother. Raylan told him we were gonna head back home, and he nodded.

"I'll make sure these two don't kill each other."

Raylan gave a laugh and grabbed my hand to start pulling me back to my house. I heard a yelp behind me, and looked back. Bowman had breached Boyd's wall and was pummeling on his smaller brother. Johnny was taking his grand old time in getting over there.

"Raylan, maybe you should help…"

"Aw, they're always fighting. Johnny will make sure they don't kill each other."

It was an exaggeration, the idea that the Crowder boys would actually kill each other. But I spent the rest of the day worrying that they'd do just that.


End file.
